Two Ways
We Protect Love
When things get charged between us, we don’t fail at love — we protect it.
We just protect it in different ways.
One of us may go away. One of us may come forward with intensity.
Neither is wrong. Both are attempts to stay connected when something feels at risk.
This page offers two simple, mirrored ways to come back — with truth, without harm.
When I Go Away:
I protect love by pulling back, getting quiet, or disappearing inside myself.
When I Escalate:
I protect love by coming forward — with urgency, intensity, or pressure.
When I Shut Down
For the moment when I shut down…
and want to come back with truth, without causing harm.
How to use (about 30 seconds):
Before starting, the receiving partner names whether they are available to receive right now:
“I’m available now…I can listen.”
“I want to receive you, and I need a few minutes to settle first. I’ll be ready at :…”
The partner who “went away” speaks.
The other partner practices receiving…not fixing, not defending.
One question at a time. Slower than you think.
If the body is too activated, pause and choose a clean return.
The Questions
What just happened…in one simple sentence?
(No story. No court case.)
“Something in me tightened when you said…”
How activated am I right now…honestly? (0–10)
0–5: we can stay and slow down.
6–10: we pause so we don’t do harm.
Where do I feel this in my body right now?
One place: Jaw. Chest. Belly. Throat. Hands.
What am I protecting with this shutdown?
Hurt. Fear. Shame. Grief. Longing. Powerlessness. Not being seen.
What do I want more than being right?
Connection. Repair. To be understood. To feel safe with you.
Which lane are we choosing…slow down or pause?
Slow down: “Can we take 90 seconds…no talking…just breathing?”
Pause + return: “I want to come back clean. I need __ minutes. I’ll be back at :.”
My re-entry sentence (said once, simply)
“I’m here again. I went away for a moment, and I want to stay connected.”
“I feel heat…and I don’t want to punish you with it.”
“I have something true to say, and I want to say it without making you wrong.”
My truth…one clean sentence
“What I’m feeling is…”
“What I need is…”
“My truth is…”
My request…one small step that protects us
“Can you reflect what you heard?”
“Can we stay on one point at a time?”
“Can you tell me what matters most to you right now?”
For the Partner Receiving
Simple is enough:
“I’m here.”
“Thank you for coming back.”
“I can slow down.”
“Here’s what I heard you say…”
Reminder:
We don’t use truth to win. We use truth to come home to each other.
When I Escalate
For the moment when I raise my voice, press, pursue, or intensify…
and want to come back with truth, without overwhelming or causing harm.
How to use (about 30 seconds):
Before starting, the receiving partner names whether they are available to receive right now:
“I’m available now…I can listen.”
“I want to receive you, and I need a few minutes to settle first. I’ll be ready at :.”
The partner who escalated speaks.
The other partner practices receiving…not fixing, not defending.
One question at a time. Slower than your urgency wants.
If intensity is high, pause and choose a clean return.
The Questions
What just happened…in one simple sentence?
(No indictment. No stacking evidence.)
“I felt urgency rise when you said…”
How intense am I right now…honestly? (0–10)
0–5: we can stay and slow down.
6–10: we pause so intensity doesn’t become pressure.
Where do I feel this intensity in my body right now?
One place: Chest. Belly. Throat. Jaw. Arms.
What am I protecting with this urgency or push?
Being dismissed. Being abandoned. Not being taken seriously. Losing connection. Not mattering.
What do I want more than being right?
Closeness. Reassurance. To matter. To know you’re here with me.
Which lane are we choosing…slow down or pause?
Slow down: “Can we take 90 seconds…no talking…just breathing so I can soften?”
Pause + return: “I want to come back clean. I need __ minutes. I’ll be back at :.”
My re-entry sentence (said once, simply)
“I care about this…and I don’t want my urgency to run us over.”
“I feel a lot right now, and I want to stay connected, not forceful.”
“What I’m saying matters to me…and I want to say it in a way you can receive.”
My truth…one clean sentence
“What I’m feeling is…”
“What I’m scared of is…”
“What I need is…”
My request…one small step that protects us
“Can you reflect what you heard?”
“Can we stay on one point at a time?”
“Can you tell me what matters most to you right now?”
For the Partner Receiving
Simple is enough:
“I’m here.”
“I can hear how much this matters to you.”
“I can slow down.”
“Here’s what I heard you say…”
Reminder:
Urgency is often care with no container.
We don’t soften truth to disappear…we soften it so it can land.